We’ve all heard the phrase “just get over it” or “just give it time”. You’ll bounce back, right? But what if you don’t? What if the person you were and the person you are now are very different and that person you once were is gone? Dead. Changed. Dissolved.
There are many traumatic things that can happen to you in this life time. These things change you. They can literally rip apart the very being that you are and leave a total mess to be cleaned up. There are people in this world that are walking disasters. It’s like a storm hit them, and they were never able to recover. They live in their mess day in, day out. Every person’s story is special and unique as the person themselves.
I’ve been through enough in this life to tell you that the sun will shine. Yes, life goes on, but life is very different now. The sun isn’t quite as bright. The moon isn’t as high. The stars are kind of dull. I’ve been abandoned by my whole family. I’ve been hungry. I’ve been homeless. My parents weren’t quite the passing grade. I’ve walked miles and miles in pouring rain and brutal wind more than once. The lowest I’ve ever been in my adult life was when my car that I was living in broke down. I had holes in ALL of my clothing and shoes. My bank account was in the negative, and the only money I had to my name was a small handful of change.
Again, these things change you. They engrain themselves in you and become a part of who you are. You must learn to live your new life as a new and different person. You have the same name and the same looks but the internals are somehow changed. Your inner demons never leave you. The memories and the pain stay with you. They whisper in your ear every day and every night. Everyone’s demons are different. For some, it’s rape. Others have witnessed their own parents being murdered. Some people just had life dump feces on their chest every day of their lives. For some, it’s one huge tragic event. For others, it’s little bits of horror that added up. Some people turn to alcohol or drugs for relief not realizing it’s only a band aid that holds in the infection. They try to deal with the demons.
Most people won’t like what I have to say, but it’s the truth for many people. The demons you face every day Will. Not. Go. Away. The pain with always be there. The memories and horrors you saw and felt with be with you always. You are living with your demons. The best thing for you to do is admit you have issues. By saying “Yes, I went through XYZ crap in my life,” you are acknowledging those demons are there. Second thing, seek help through counseling and therapy. These people can give you another perspective on what you are dealing with. You might not see the whole picture with everything you are dealing with. Emotions and struggles cloud our judgement. Third, if you have a substance problem, you must deal with it. It must be laid to rest. You have to handle it and get it out of your life. It’s like throwing gasoline on a fire. It makes the problems worse, just not directly. There are many treatment centers and addiction helplines out there. Ask your therapist. He or she will help you. Lastly, acceptance is key. You must understand that your demons will be with you. You will learn to put them in their place. You will learn to grow and continue as a person and do well in life. They will be there. The nightmares won’t go away completely. The memories will be there. Forever.
However, you will succeed. You will be empowered. You will grow. You will carry on.