In Response To…

I always wanted my blog to be an open, honest platform. I want this to be a safe place- not only for me, but also my readers and guest writers. Last week, with this idea in mind, I hesitantly opened up about a deep-rooted personal struggle with women and borderline sex addiction. I begrudgingly hit the “publish” button in hopes that telling this story might be able to help someone else.

To check out last week’s post, click here:

It received a considerable amount of attention compared to my other posts. The reactions I received were mixed. Several individuals reached out to me and thanked me for sharing. They said the message helped them with their own struggles. However, a few others called the post into question. Specifically, a few women I dated or hooked up with contacted me. I swear they were in cahoots. They all asked me almost the same question, “Did you use/manipulate me?”

Being asked this once upset me. Hearing it again broke my heart. Manipulating others goes against every one of my core values. However, I totally understood how these women could have taken my words this way.  I had been in their position. I was used, abused, and manipulated by multiple women, “friends,” and family members. These people took advantage of me to fulfill their own needs, which is what it looked like on the surface from my post.

Never in a million years would I want to upset someone. It hurt to think I might have inflicted emotional pain on these people I cared about. I was upset, but I did not want to let my emotions get the better part of me.I instead engaged these women in discussion. I wanted to listen. That is what I would have wanted.

In every case, after we talked, the women and I felt at ease. Even though I may have been admittedly pushy at times, I never put them in a situation where they felt forced or coerced. I was open and honest with them from the start about my intentions. I gave them the choice to take it or leave it with no hard feelings.

One young lady went as far as saying, “I’m kinda glad [you wrote it] if I’m honest. I know you shared it with a lot of people but it made me feel closer to you in a way…..It was so genuine.” GENUINE.

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She was picking up was I was putting down. Achievement unlocked. Goal achieved. However you want to say it. I wanted people to see me for who I am. I am a person with flaws. I am a human with imperfections. I am someone who struggles too.

The whole experience served as a reminder that I cannot control how others interpret my words or actions. Ultimately, it is up to them. I do appreciate those who did come to me for clarification. It showed that they respected me and our relationship. In return, I reciprocated it by listening and being open-minded. Both sides saw through clouded judgment. Communication provided clarification and resolution.

-The Caring Counselor


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