All I can say is fuck burnout. It slammed into me like a linebacker. After months of dragging my carcass along, I could not take it anymore. I felt myself slipping deeper and deeper into a spiral of self-doubt and guilt – the first sign that I am burning the candle at both ends. I knew that if I kept up this pace, there would not be anything left of me.
It got to a point where my usual daily self-care activities barely kept me afloat. I needed to take some drastic measures. In talking to my own therapist (Yes, counselors do see other counselors.), I came to the bright conclusion to book myself a weekend getaway for me and only me. Not only was I to book it, but it would be for the following weekend. I had to move quickly because who knew how much longer I could hold out.
For COVID-related reasons, I stayed in state. However, I found tis awesome little bed and breakfast nestled in a historic mountain town on Groupon. It was what I needed – a quiet, quaint place to recharge. Now, looking forward to my getaway, I made Monday and Tuesday my bitch.
Wednesday rolled around and started off pretty good. Without getting into too much detail, I received a phone call from a family member. This person called me asking for money on an issue I warned them about for months. She struck two of my pet peeves at once. I loathe this individual asking me for money and people who repeatedly make the same mistakes without resolving it. To say the least, I was livid. I flipped a shit and said, “Fuck no.”
That phone call left me feeling disgusted. I tasted it in the back of my mouth for the next 24 hours. Thursday morning, it still sat with me. I literally had it with everyone and everything. I texted my good friend and asked him, “Should I go away a day early?” He replied, “Flip a coin. Heads freedom. Tails work.”
I downloaded a coin flip app since I did not have a coin handy and did best two of three. First one came up tails. Second flip went heads. The third and decisive flip…..dun, dun, dun…heads.
“Fuck it.” I need this. I need to do this for myself. I called out of work, packed a bag, and went away a day early.
It was totally worth it too. I spent four days and three nights in this small town exploring local shops and cuisine. I implemented only check in, check out, breakfast, and a massage into my schedule as structured time. The rest of it was a free for all. Over the weekend, I caught up on rest and finally felt more in touch with myself again. It was such a great decision.
Now, in terms of saying “fuck it,” I do not want people to use it in the sense that they do not care at all. It should instead be a phrase to refocus what you care about. For me, I was so caught up in everything else around me like work, family, friends, politics, news, etc. that I forgot about myself. So rather than give a fuck about all of those things, I decided to give a fuck about myself.
-The Caring Counselor