I have been trying so hard to get back on my once-a-week writing schedule, but again life got in the way. The keyword lately has been try. That’s all I have been doing. I am trying to stay afloat. I try to give it my all at work. I try to push through the pain, stress, and exhaustion in an effort to make something happen. However, even with all of this try, I feel like I am coming up short.
I spent a great deal of time reflecting on this idea. How can I put so much out and feel like I am seeing no results? My to-do list just looks like it is getting longer. I feel like I am letting down my partner and not doing enough for her since I moved in. I feel like my clients aren’t getting the best version of me, and therefore not getting the best treatment. I feel like my own body wants to give out and surrender and to what avail?
I took up this conversation with my therapist a few days ago, and she made a few good points. I opened up a new business that has been rapidly expanding in just its first six months. I moved to a whole new state with adjustments to my commute, schedule, and even the car I drive. (I drive my girlfriend’s Audi A4 to “save money on gas.” *wink wink*) I went as far as to insert myself individualistic lifestyle into a family mold. I now help with my two kids and help maintain an entire household.
IT. IS. A. LOT.
And all of it is wearing me down and rightfully so. I feel exhausted. (Thankfully, I have an office with a big, comfy couch to take naps on and a job where I can build naptimes in.) I don’t really care to interact with a lot of people right now. It isn’t anything personal towards anybody, but I’d much rather spend time at home just to recover. I feel the stress throughout my body, as it activates my fibromyalgia symptoms and tightens up my muscles on the daily.
Like I’ve said before on here, good change is still change. It comes with all sorts of stress associated with adjustment. Human beings are creatures of habit. We like patterns. We like predictability. I am still on my way there. That’s what I have to remember. I am not there quite yet. With that being said, I need to grant myself grace. I am trying, and that’s all that counts.
-The Caring Counselor